Chronicles of Angst

A Deep Abyss

::.achike ketsunoana.::
4 January 1987
External Services:
  • gothicotter@livejournal.com
  • gundamsnewsgirl
This journal is dedicated to Anna Rosenfeld (19890430-20080413).  She was my light & inspiration to persevere through life.  She may be gone from the corporeal world, but she will always live on in my heart.  I love you Anna.

kiota.deviantart.com & anna-rosenfeld.deviantart.com


Not all of my Entries are visible to the Public, therefore some of them may seem to flow unevenly.  A lot of my writings are letters & poetry that are very unconventional.  They are written from emotions & deep feelings.  There are several fictional creative-writing entries, there are biographical entries, all are based on my life.  I will have to get to know you pretty well in order to add you to my Filter.  

Many Entries contain triggers, so BEWARE!

I'm 27, divorced, & attractive.  I'm queer.  I'm smart.  I love otters, skunks, & kitties.  I am interested in music, languages, art, & many other things.  I draw, write music & stories, & enjoy hanging out with my friends.  

I am a survivor of Child Abuse & Rape.  I was victimized by my father in every way possible, but most prevalently in a sexual way.  He committed suicide the morning that he was to appear before a grand jury for the Child Abuse.  My mother, brothers, & sister do not believe that he did any of the things that I said he did.  I have been raped by several "friends" throughout different periods of my life.  I have lived a grand total of 9 years without being raped or abused! (WhooHoo!!!!) I am looking forward to celebrating 10 years without being victimized!  This is my goal.  

I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from the shit I've lived through, but it's getting better everyday.  I don't remember the majority of my life before age 13.  I have a few flitting memories here & there, but not many.  I deal with depression & dissociation on a daily basis.  I also have to resist the urge to self-mutilate (cut) daily.  

Sex Offenders scare the hell out of me.  I currently work in I.T for a large semi-law enforcement agency. 

I wish I could use my position to better the world. I want to care about others without feeling insignificant. Unfortunately, I have become very jaded, but I have hopes & dreams that keep my head above water. 

I post my journal online as a testimony to the world that I am a survivor!  Child Abuse & Rape don't just happen to poor or bad people; it can happen to anyone & happens all the time.  My hope is that someone might read this & see that there is a way out of Hell & that they are not alone! 

elouai's doll maker 3