This journal is dedicated to Anna Rosenfeld (19890430-20080413). She was my light & inspiration to persevere through life. She may be gone from the corporeal world, but she will always live on in my heart. I love you Anna.
Not all of my Entries are visible to the Public, therefore some of them may seem to flow unevenly. A lot of my writings are letters & poetry that are very unconventional. They are written from emotions & deep feelings. There are several fictional creative-writing entries, there are biographical entries, all are based on my life. I will have to get to know you pretty well in order to add you to my Filter.
Many Entries contain triggers, so BEWARE!
I'm tired of the world. I'm divorced. I'm queer. I'm smart. I love otters, skunks, & kitties. I am interested in music, languages, art, & many other things. I draw, write music & stories, & enjoy hanging out with my friends.
I am a survivor of Child Abuse & Rape. I was victimized by my father in every way possible; he committed suicide the morning that he was to appear before a grand jury for the Child Abuse. I have been raped or sexually abused by several "friends" & significant others throughout different periods of my life. Someday, I want to have a family who love me & want to protect me living under my roof in my home.
I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from the shit I've lived through & every day is a struggle. I don't remember the majority of my life before age 13. I have a few flitting memories here & there, but not many. I deal with depression & dissociation on a daily basis. I also have to resist the urge to self-mutilate (cut) daily.
Sex Offenders scare the hell out of me. I currently work in I.T for a large semi-law enforcement agency.
I wish I could use my position to better the world. I want to care about others without feeling insignificant. Unfortunately, I have become very jaded, but I have hopes & dreams that keep my head above water.
I post my journal online as a testimony to the world that I am a survivor! Child Abuse & Rape don't just happen to poor or bad people; it can happen to anyone & happens all the time. My hope is that someone might read this & see that there is a way out of Hell & that they are not alone!