This journal is dedicated to Anna Rosenfeld (19890430-20080413). She was my light & inspiration to persevere through life. She may be gone from the corporeal world, but she will always live on in my heart. I love you Anna.
Not all of my Entries are visible to the Public, therefore some of them may seem to flow unevenly. A lot of my writings are letters & poetry that are very unconventional. They are written from emotions & deep feelings. There are several fictional creative-writing entries, there are biographical entries, all are based on my life. I will have to get to know you pretty well in order to add you to my Filter.
Many Entries contain triggers, so BEWARE!
I'm 27, divorced, & attractive. I'm queer. I'm smart. I love otters, skunks, & kitties. I am interested in music, languages, art, & many other things. I draw, write music & stories, & enjoy hanging out with my friends.
I am a survivor of Child Abuse & Rape. I was victimized by my father in every way possible, but most prevalently in a sexual way. He committed suicide the morning that he was to appear before a grand jury for the Child Abuse. My mother, brothers, & sister do not believe that he did any of the things that I said he did. I have been raped by several "friends" throughout different periods of my life. I have lived a grand total of 9 years without being raped or abused! (WhooHoo!!!!) I am looking forward to celebrating 10 years without being victimized! This is my goal.
I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder resulting from the shit I've lived through, but it's getting better everyday. I don't remember the majority of my life before age 13. I have a few flitting memories here & there, but not many. I deal with depression & dissociation on a daily basis. I also have to resist the urge to self-mutilate (cut) daily.
Sex Offenders scare the hell out of me. I currently work in I.T for a large semi-law enforcement agency.
I wish I could use my position to better the world. I want to care about others without feeling insignificant. Unfortunately, I have become very jaded, but I have hopes & dreams that keep my head above water.
I post my journal online as a testimony to the world that I am a survivor! Child Abuse & Rape don't just happen to poor or bad people; it can happen to anyone & happens all the time. My hope is that someone might read this & see that there is a way out of Hell & that they are not alone!