I feel utterly crushed that I am by myself tonight. As in, collapse into a puddle of tears, drink myself into oblivion, don't know what to do with myself crushed.
When did I become so fucking NEEDY?!?!? Why can I not just fucking be ok with entertaining myself for one night?
I'm not ok. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm not ok.
I'm so stressed lately. My finances suck because my fucking med-card hasn't been accepting charges, so I can't use the money I put on it to cover medical fees. It's been coming out of pocket & I've been sick lately. I've had to get a part on my vehicle replaced that costed several hundred dollars. On top of that, my PTSD is acting up & I am still angry with my job over the bullshit from December. It's just made this so much harder.
And I was right-- all that progress that I had made was ruined. I'm back to feeling crazy.
I'm not ok.... I guess I'll be going to the gym tonight. At least I can count on Ana to be there.