::.achike ketsunoana.:: (gothicotter) wrote,
::.achike ketsunoana.::

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What's WRONG with me?

It looks like I'm alone tonight. My boyfriend is staying at his place tonight & going to bed at 2100 in order to get himself on a sleep schedule for his new job. My BFF is on a date today & therefore unavailable for company. 

I feel utterly crushed that I am by myself tonight. As in, collapse into a puddle of tears, drink myself into oblivion, don't know what to do with myself crushed. 

When did I become so fucking NEEDY?!?!? Why can I not just fucking be ok with entertaining myself for one night? 

I'm not ok. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm not ok. 

I'm so stressed lately. My finances suck because my fucking med-card hasn't been accepting charges, so I can't use the money I put on it to cover medical fees. It's been coming out of pocket & I've been sick lately. I've had to get a part on my vehicle replaced that costed several hundred dollars. On top of that, my PTSD is acting up & I am still angry with my job over the bullshit from December. It's just made this so much harder. 

And I was right-- all that progress that I had made was ruined. I'm back to feeling crazy. 

I'm not ok.... I guess I'll be going to the gym tonight. At least I can count on Ana to be there.
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